Off on a tangent...or two or three

I had another surgery today. Another d&c. Yep, same procedure as the one in June but different purpose. This time, they were removing a polyp. After a few months of knowing it was there and knowing that with it, chances of a successful pregnancy were diminished, it has been evicted. The doctor also removed some extra tissue. I don't remember much due to serious anesthesia, but what I do remember is having an amazing doctor. She has been where I am. She lost multiple babies, had to take aspirin and extra folic acid, progesterone, and after all of this she was able to have her second living child. I know that when she offers her condolences or platitudes, they aren't just from her trainings or a book. She truly knows how I feel. Things I can't always express to everyone. Sometimes it's just a look and she gives one back and I know. Know that she's there to support me through this as a doctor. Is she my best friend? No. I have one of those and she's been there too unfortunately. Multiple pregnancy loss and now has her spunky little stinker. Man I love that kid and his parents!! 

Back to today- I woke up from surgery very much in emotional pain. It sucked being there again. Even if it wasn't for the same reason as the last, it brought back all of the emotions of being in the naval hospital six and a half months ago. I bawled then too. My first words out of surgery that time? I miss our baby. First words this time? It makes me remember and miss our baby. It's amazing what the body remembers when the mind tries to be strong! No matter how hard I tried to focus on this surgery being different than the last, I still sobbed. It took them about 20 minutes to get me calm. Reassuring me, I was awake from surgery and "okay". Ha! Okay? Ha!!

My doctor says, it's okay we got everything out and we're gonna get you pregnant. :) definitely don't have trouble getting pregnant but those words felt good. She's done so much for my husband and I! We are definitely thankful for her and their practice. 

2014 will be a better year. I'm declaring it now! We have come so far these last 12 months and I know we will continue to be blessed in our marriage through it all! This man is amazing. Be jealous, y'all. Be very jealous ;-)

Now, I lay here with my feet propped up and think of all the good that has come from the previous 12 months. Good? Did Vicky just say that good came from all this hell? Yep. What has gotten in me today?! I blame it on the anesthesia hahaha!! 

Good #1- Phil and I are still going strong. We will not let this destroy our marriage. 

Good #2- All modesty "went out tha winda" hehe. Seriously though, talking about miscarriage, uterus, traumatic experiences of miscarrying at home, excessive blood loss close to needing a transfusion, depression, and the list goes on inside. Society can suck a big toe...women need to talk about their emotions (my poor husband) therefore I will. Some women feel like they need to "be strong always" and never break. If you can do that, no disrespect...but I can't. And I know there has to be other women feeling the same, worried about what other people think. So to those women- I'm here. Your feelings won't scare me away even though you fear so. Chances are I've had them too. Chances are other women have had them too. 

Good #3- I KNOW I have family and friends here to support me. 

Good #4- I'm healthy and alive! 

Good #5- my redeemer lives and loves me!!!!! 

Merry Christmas, friends! You guys are amazing and I love you!! 

Vicky, out ;-)

Christmas Ornaments, Unabashed Tears

A few weeks ago, I mentioned to my husband wanting to put our Christmas tree up ASAP. I asked him to go through the ornaments prior to us decorating the tree due to an ornament we picked out last Christmas. The one depicting a pregnant momma with the daddy. The one showing we were expecting a little bundle of joy. The one we were so excited to share with everyone. The one that reminds us of our baby. The baby we lost just ten days into the new year. The baby we were expecting to join us on earth in July. The baby we didn't get to meet. The baby whose memory I tried to push aside for a long time. 

This baby will forever be a part of my heart. 

I have been trying to avoid these emotions that are arising. Trying to pretend they don't exist. Pretend we haven't endured so much loss in just 12 short months. 

That's just it, we have endured the loss. Not succumbed. Endured. Continued in this existence. We have become stronger in this adventure. Therefore, I have decided to hang this ornament. A friend, very near and dear to my heart, sent me the other ornament. This ornament means so much to me. It recognizes that I am a mother. No, I never held my babies. It doesn't change the fact that I had 3 precious little ones inside that stole a piece of my heart when they left this earth to meet their Heavenly Father. I can't change the past. I can't worry about the many "why" questions. I can't go back in time. What I can do, is spend this holiday remembering the babies lost and remembering who holds them. That being said, I may lose it a few times. I may have a hard time with reality and in turn, there will be tears. Unabashed, just allow me to let them fall.  Please. And when I get embarrassed on my own accord...cause it's bound to happen...tell me it's okay to let them fall and it doesn't bother you. Haha. Yeah, someone crying out of the blue isn't uncomfortable at all, is it? 

Merry early Christmas. Love the ones you're with. 

Vicky, out. 

Unloved. Teaching After Miscarriage(s). Soapbox.

Teaching after our miscarriages has been lovely, heartbreaking, amazing, tough... These children need love. They need to know someone is there for them. Will I be their best friend? No way. Do I want them to "like" me? Meh. I want them to know that I'm there to help them through this year and give them the tools and strategies needed for life. 

It's been tough on me when I see a kid come to school with the attitude of "I'm unloved" - Those days hurt. It makes me miss our babies even more. Makes me wonder, would they have felt that way? Surely not on purpose. But I don't think parents intentionally raise children to feel unloved. At least I hope and pray not. 

At dinner, the mister and I were talking about my day and my passion for teaching and compassion for kids showed through tears. In a very upset state of mind, I questioned "I wonder if it'd be easier if I didn't care so dang much?" He quickly put me in my place. No it wouldn't be easier...because then these kids would leave me thinking that yet another person didn't care about them. They are 9 and 10 years old. Their whole life is ahead of them!  They will do great things. By golly, I want them to know there are people out there caring about their day. Caring about their accomplishments. Caring about their new shoes. Caring about their future. 

Rant over. Somewhat. I wonder what our babies would've been like. Would they have had my passion for caring about others? Would they have had their daddy's smarts? Who would they have looked like? Who would they go to when they had a rough day? Would they have known (truly known) they could come to us no matter what? Would they have actually done it? Would they have had good teachers? I could would all day and night. 

Love your babies. Let them know they are loved. Don't just assume they know it. I know, I know- why take advice from someone who has never had a child and been a parent? You're right, I don't have a child. I have 52 of them this year. 

Grief

A friend sent this picture to me yesterday. I love how God sends friends or little signs at the perfect time. When this friend sent me this picture, I was in the middle of sharing a synopsis of my last year with the miscarriages. I had just "lost it" yet again and wasn't sure I was going to get it back together. Some call it coincidence...I call it God. 

I have been getting so down and frustrated lately because I'm not "over it" by now. **no judgment needed, thanks** I cry for no apparent reason and without warning. The crying isn't just a tear though. It's usually uncontrollable sobbing. I just love being a woman with hormones...ha. Not. Well, I do love being a woman- but the hormones are annoying sometimes. My poor husband, family, and friends are confused often. Heck! I'm confused often. I can't stop just because someone says to. I can't prevent these things; we'll call them episodes. People don't understand...here's a big shocker for you...I don't understand. But I'm not meant to understand. I've stopped asking why (for the most part. I still have moments of weakness where I can't help it) and started asking what. What can I do with this trial we've been through. What can I do to help others? What can I learn from this experience? 

Yesterday was a why day. So when my friend sent this picture, it was a huge reminder that there is no timeline on grief. I must stop setting expectations for my grief. I must stop setting expectations for my feelings. I must ride this roller coaster even though I hate them. 

Friends, thank you for being there even though you don't understand. I don't necessarily need the perfect advice. Only one can give that. So if you find yourself around someone who is grieving, no matter what type of grief, just give them a hug or high five or I'm thinking about you or sometimes silence is okay too. It may be boring for you, but for us it'll mean the world. 

Thanksgiving...that'll be another post. ;-)

Vicky, out ;-)

Exciting News!!!

Say hello to the newly hired 4th grade teacher :) 

**this is from the driver's seat, but I was stopped when I snapped this pic**

I'm excited to trade in this:

For this:

At least during the day I won't be using my crochet hook. But you better believe I'll be hookin away on the weekends ;-)

I don't actually begin for a little over a week but I'm stoked to have already met and passed ideas around with some of my teammates. The Lord really blessed me when He sent me to this school to interview. I can already tell the collaboration and camaraderie is leaps and bounds ahead of some of the schools I've been in (whether teaching, interviewing or volunteering). 

Now to spend my "free" time planning lessons and grading papers and thinking (read stressing) about the kids... I. Am. Stoked! Some of you may be thinking, girl you're crazy! I'd gladly trade places with you and stay home and do nothing while you teach for me.

Well, let me tell you- not gonna lie, I enjoyed being away from all of the stress for a while. But dang I missed being in the classroom. My close friends and family can attest to that! The excitement exuding from me has been overwhelming for sure! It has been a very long three days and tomorrow is bound to be another long one, but I can hardly contain the excitement!!! I hope these ladies are ready for me haha. ;-) no worries-I've already warned them I'm a little on the OCD side and a tad bit of perfectionist. Just a tad. 

Happy Thursday to all!!! 

Enjoying the scenery on my way to the school this afternoon! 

Vicky, out :-)

Suffering, Endurance, Character, Hope

Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, (Romans 5:3, 4 ESV)

"The waiting isn’t just the hardest part, it’s the growing part. And the Gardener can’t be rushed in this season. He won’t be rushed in this season." She Reads Truth

Part One: 

Recently, I've been reading devotions from She Reads Truth (http://shereadstruth.com) and I'm loving them! I found this site through a blog of a woman who has lost multiple babies. It has been heart wrenching to read her blog at times. However, I can honestly say that through the tears I've cried for this woman I've never met, I have been encouraged every time. She has no clue who I am but by golly she has helped me through this season of my life. (dianawrote.com) 

Back to the beginning statement. 

"The waiting isn’t just the hardest part, it’s the growing part. And the Gardener can’t be rushed in this season. He won’t be rushed in this season." She Reads Truth

Man oh man has this waiting been hard. Some of you may not understand, and that's okay. I don't understand a lot of it either. The one thing you can do though is not judge based on my feelings. We are approaching our due date with the second pregnancy. The one that was going to work because we already had one miscarriage. And "just because you've had one miscarriage, doesn't mean you'll have another" or "yes, the chances of successful pregnancy decreases after a miscarriage but there's no reason for your miscarriage so that doesn't mean this one won't keep. Sometimes they just happen." Well I'm here to tell you, those statements SUCK. You may be thinking, Vicky they should make you happy or they should give you hope. Nope. Not happy. Even after receiving a diagnosis after our last pregnancy loss, I'm still not "happy" at all. Medically they cannot guarantee my diagnosis is the reason for multiple losses. It is all just a possibility. So now, I have to have surgery (to remove a polyp) and take extra medication (for MTHFR) all for a sliver of hope to hold on to that the next pregnancy will be THE one. 

A friend recently asked when we thought we'd try again (those questions don't bother me at all) and I told her physically we could start trying in a couple of months. Emotionally/psychologically, I'm not sure. There's a lot of that lately- the I'm not sure statements. 

She said, well are you excited about trying again and having a baby in the next year? My answer was this: "Yes, if I think of only the end in sight, yes I am excited as all get out. Take away all fear and nerves, and I'm left super excited."

Unfortunately, that's not how it works. If only it could. Nope. Because if that's how it worked, I wouldn't feel the need to trust God. To share my fears with my husband. To learn the true meaning of open communication. I'm learning to enjoy the season I'm in right now. I'm learning all about growth as a person. Spiritual growth. Emotional growth. Intellectual growth. I will rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope. I do have hope (tiny as it may be right now) that we will have a baby on earth to hug and smother with kisses. But right now, I'm going to enjoy this season. Life passes all too quickly. 

Well that went off on a tangent... Whoops. Haha!

Be confused. It's okay. I embrace the confusion now :) sometimes. 

Part Deux:

We moved here over 2 years ago. 

Two summers spent searching endlessly for a teaching position nearby. Two school years spent irritated that there were no openings. After going to an interview that totally turned me off, I said to heck with it. Being belittled because I went to South Carolina schools, earned my degree in South Carolina, and decided to teach in South Carolina public schools. "I don't mean any offense, but why would you teach in a state that has the lowest education?" **and it wasn't a statement for the purpose of gathering information, as he laughed while saying these things** 

It took every ounce of my being to keep composure. Obviously it didn't work very well because I didn't get that job haha. 

Anyhow, after giving up on the job search a long time ago...the husband came home and says I should look into another school district (just happens to be 45 minutes away). 

After 2.5 years of no teaching job, I'm excited to say this waiting season is over. More info to come.

 I was thoroughly impressed as I sat in the interview. God has definitely blessed me with this position. People, I'm here to say prayer works. And not in your timing either. Cause I sure wouldn't have chosen to wait this long for a teaching job here. But my ways are not His ways. 

I'll end this long post with some lyrics that I've been relishing in lately.......look it up-be encouraged. 

Hello, My Name Is

Matthew West

Hello, my name is regret

I’m pretty sure we have met

Every single day of your life

I’m the whisper inside

That won’t let you forget

Hello, my name is defeat

I know you recognize me

Just when you think you can win

I’ll drag you right back down again

‘Til you’ve lost all belief

Oh, these are the voices. Oh, these are the lies

And I have believed them for the very last time

Hello, my name is child of the one true King

I’ve been saved, I’ve been changed, I have been set free

"Amazing Grace" is the song I sing

Hello, my name is child of the one true King

Vicky, out :)

Navy Chevron :)

I had a lot of fun making this scarf! I'm still debating on making a flower to coordinate. The pictures don't really do colors justice...it's already dark here. I used the same basic stitches used in this post: http://wanderingthoughtsbyvicky.blogspot.com/2013/10/crocheted-chevron-cowl_24.html?m=1

I made it about twice as long and half as wide so that I could wrap the cowl around to give a different look. LOVING this pattern though!!! 😍 And it's so mindless, I can whip one up overnight. 

Here's a little better picture of the colors:

The more I look at it, the more I think I'll add a couple more rows around. 

Time to attempt a coordinating beanie. Hats have been my crochet nemesis!!! But I shan't give up. I shan't!!

Vicky, out :)

Inexpensive Crochet Hook Revamp

Ever seen these super cool polymer clay crochet hooks???

Photo from: http://www.petalstopicots.com/2013/05/polymer-clay-crochet-hooks/

Well, they are super neat looking!!! I think the purpose of adding clay to your hook is to help with the cramping you get as a bonus while crocheting. They can get expensive though. You could certainly buy an ergonomic hook like these from Clover: 

I do LOVE this hook!!!! But they can be quite pricey, especially without a coupon. 

This is how I fixed my plain ol' aluminum hooks...just grab your hook and these materials and you'll be on your way to a more comfortable grip- or so I think. 

Materials needed:

Crochet hook

Pencil grips

Putty

Scissors

Take some putty and shape it around your hook. I chose to cover the thumb grip only because that's what I need thicker. You could also wrap the whole handle to make a larger grip like the polymer clay hooks. 

Using the scissors, cut through a pencil grip. 

This makes it easier to get around the putty. I tried rolling the pencil grip over the putty----big pain in the rump.  

Now wrap the pencil grip around your clay. 

Cutting the pencil grip will (obviously) leave a line where the two sides meet again. I just placed the pencil grip in a way that the line is not under my thumb. I don't even know it's there until I look closely. Trust me...if you've ever had hand/thumb cramping from gripping your hook, the line won't make a difference (even if you are OCD like me) ;-)

Ta daaaa!! Now get to hookin'

Vicky, out :)

Crocheted Chevron Cowl

I found this pattern on Pinterest a while back and finally decided to give it a try. 

Here is the picture from the pattern:

Link to pattern on Ravelry:

http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/chevron-cowl-8

Mine turned out a little differently because I used a different type of yarn but I still love it!! And I even added a flower :) 

Flower pattern: http://busyfingersbusylife.blogspot.nl/2013/04/pattern-layered-queensday-flower.html?m=1

 Instead of a button in the center, I just made a round of single crochets as then a round of slip ditches to fill the center hole. 

Here's a few pictures from my finished product...

 

Enjoy. 

Vicky, out :)

Crocheted Chevron Cowl

I found this pattern on Pinterest a while back and finally decided to give it a try. 

Here is the picture from the pattern:

Link to pattern on Ravelry:

http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/chevron-cowl-8

Mine turned out a little differently because I used a different type of yarn but I still love it!! And I even added a flower :) 

Flower pattern: http://busyfingersbusylife.blogspot.nl/2013/04/pattern-layered-queensday-flower.html?m=1

 Instead of a button in the center, I just made a round of single crochets as then a round of slip ditches to fill the center hole. 

Here's a few pictures from my finished product...

 

Enjoy. 

Vicky, out :)

Only Human

Thanks, Anne :) I am only human. 

I was talking to a best friend yesterday and told her I just wanna cry but I also felt that if I started crying I may not stop. Know what she said? Cry. 

Some may say, duh Vicky. Heck, I recall telling my mom a couple weeks ago that sometimes you just gotta cry. Yet why is it so dang hard for me to take my own advice? To just cry? To just let it all out? Who knows. Maybe it's my genetic makeup. Maybe I'm "just emotional". Or maybe it's the big D word that no one is allowed to talk about...depression. **gasp** Yeah, I said it. So what! 

I'm tired of depression being a topic that people push aside. If you've never been depressed, you may not understand. It's okay, really. The person who is depressed doesn't need you to understand and have all the right answers. The person who is depressed needs you to listen, allow them to cry and vent without judgment, and don't leave (not in a physical sense-more of an "always know you're available" sense). I am eternally grateful for people like that in my life. I won't list names right now but they have been amazing! Amazing I tell ya. They know who they are because I've been relying on them lately to get me through.  

I found on webMD, a feature on ways to treat depression naturally. (http://www.m.webmd.com/depression/features/natural-treatments)

Here are a few pointers:

✔️Routine

✔️Set goals

✔️Exercise

✔️Eat healthy

✔️Enough sleep

✔️Take on responsibilities

✔️Challenge thoughts

✔️Check with dr before taking supplements

✔️Do something new

✔️Try to have fun

That last one is a biggie. One of the common symptoms of depression is lack of interest in things you usually love to do. You just don't care. Wanna know what depressed folks could use? Sometimes the depressed person may say they're busy, or they can't, or they need to _____ (fill in the blank with whatever excuse you'd like) and that is certainly the case sometimes. But if you notice a change in behavior and they say this constantly, maybe they need (read want) you to come rescue them but don't know how to ask? Or don't want to admit they need help? Because then that would mean the depressed person is admitting defeat. And by golly, it sucks to admit defeat!! I'm thankful for friends and family who have rescued me. Friends and family who have not judged. Friends and family who have just listened without talking in platitudes. 

Let me backtrack a little...back to establishing a routine and setting goals. Here's a little secret from someone who has been depressed and has had to establish a routine and set some goals. Sometimes, those goals may be as "simple" as get out of bed by 8, eat breakfast, read devotion, and go for a walk. Let me be VERY clear........ It may sound like a "simple" and a futile goal to you. But trust and believe that it is not simple to the depressed person. It may very well be the highest mountain they are climbing in the present. So please, don't make light of their goal no matter how "simple" it may be. Just encourage. If they have not met the goal, encourage them to just get up. If they have met the goal, praise them for sticktoitiveness. Hehe I like that word. 

My hope today is that someone will better understand how the depressed person feels inside. Not every depressed person feels the same way, and they certainly have several different emotions going on in there. This only scratches the surface. 

I've been awake since 445 this morning...time to eat breakfast, read my devotion, and bundle up for my walk ;-)

Anne, I am only human and I definitely don't have it together every minute of every day! But today, in this moment, I do and it feels great :)

Vicky, out!

Getting back up!

***Warning: this post may not be an easy one to write and it may cause feelings of sadness and anger and other negative emotions. I know that as I think about what will come as I type, I have tears forming.***

News flash: I see a therapist. I have for a while now. She has helped a lot. I also get so sad that I fall into a deep dark hole that I have to claw at to feel like I'm on my way out. Only to realize the next day/hour/minute, I'm still there. Some days, I'm able to feel normal. What is normal though? Being happy all the time? Psh.  Pretending like everything is okay? Yeah that's more like it. Until you fall even further in that hole you so desperately need out of... I feel crazy sometimes.

The mister and I have endured recurrent pregnancy loss. It. Sucks. I wish so desperately that we didn't have to go through this, ever. But we have been dealt this hand and we will play it. That isn't to say its all bad. I feel like Phil and I have grown closer over the past year. I feel like I've learned more about my body in the past 10 months than I knew the first 28 years. I feel like I've learned so much about who really is there for us.

Feeling alone. Heck, sometimes I can be surrounded by several people and yet still feel so alone. How can that be? Feel alone when there's someone beside you? That's not normal, right?

I feel like I've been knocked down one too many times. Like I didn't even get a punch in. Beaten to a pulp, with no hope. But ya know what? I got up. And sometimes that's what matters. Getting up. So that's what I did!!! I GOT BACK UP! Well, I'm getting back up. Lol. Grief is something that can't be given a time frame or expiration date. I wish I could say I'd be all fixed tomorrow. But the truth of this hell is that you don't know that. No one knows how long grief will last, only God. I'm learning this isn't in my control no matter how much I struggle with that. Anyone who knows me, knows I struggle with things I cannot control. Being a military wife, I've had to roll with the punches when it comes to Phil's career. So I focused on controlling things at home. Now that has become something I cannot always control. I haven't been the nicest person to be around lately and I haven't been the best wife I need to be.

Thankfully Phil is amazing (yes he knows it) and supports me no matter what. Dirty dishes piling up? It's okay, we'll use paper plates for a while. Clothes still on the chair from where I didn't take them upstairs? It's okay, we'll just get dressed downstairs. Don't want to cook what's on the menu tonight? It's okay, we'll just order out. I truly cannot imagine spending my days with any other man. He has been there through it all and even though we may argue over silly stuff, I wouldn't trade him for the world. Quirks and all :)

Well, that wasn't as hard as I thought. Flowed quite freely out of me. It may not make sense to you, and that's okay! This is more for my healing. I have decided to stop asking why, and start asking what. What does God want me to learn? What can I do to be an encouragement to others? Maybe I've gone through this past years hardships so that I can encourage someone later down the road. Maybe I've gone through this past years hardships so that Phil and I can be closer. Have a better marriage. Maybe I won't know for years to come. And today, that's okay with me.

One final thought. I found this blog post today. It describes how I've felt in the past to a T. Warning, it may be a tough one to get through. Raw emotions.
http://stillstandingmag.com/2013/10/next-time-will-better-recurrent-pregnancy-loss/

You may never need this advice. But if you do, I hope you'll just get back up.

Vicky, out. :)

Too old for that!

Yes, I realize I'm still in my twenties (at least for a few more months)! But.....we went to a friends last night and camped outside. Tent, air mattress, blanket and pillow. Some realizations? 

One- I do not like the cold. Big shock there, huh? I had my husband and two pugs in the tent to help with warmth but let me tell you, it isn't enough. I even had on a pair of shorts, running tight pants (think UnderArmor), sleep pants, a tank top, two t-shirts, a sweatshirt, and socks thick enough to wear in the arctic. 

Two- air mattresses. are. not. comfortable. Especially the ones that don't hold air all night long. You may be thinking, "it's better than the ground!" And guess what?! I think you'd be wrong. Haha. 

Three- I am terrified of "haunted" or "scary" things. Still. Another big shock! Pshh. The friends we went to visit put on a scary walk through the woods. My husband says he's paid $20 for haunted houses that weren't as good as this one. Good is a relative term. In no way would I describe this scariness as good. Why in God's green Earth would anyone want to feel like that, on purpose?!? I tried to be brave and go through. I started by saying I don't like to be scared and please don't let them touch me. I made it about 10 feet in before the panic attack ensued. Panic attack. Trouble breathing, paralyzed in place, sobbing. Even though I knew it was fake...I saw every person getting dressed up to scare...I knew they wouldn't hurt me...yet I still couldn't do it. Call me a wuss, pansy, crybaby, etc. I'm okay with it. 

Four- sleeping for an hour at a time (even if it is for 12 hours) is no bueno. I feel like I've lost a day because today has been spent napping and still feeling tired. 

Conclusion? I really do like camping. If it is in an RV with a bed and temp control. :)

Time to get out of bed, splash some cold water on my face, and get ready for some Buckeye football! Go Bucks!!

In the beginning...

Welp, I've joined the blogging world. I have been considering this for the past few years and finally decided now is the time. Better late than never, right? 

The reason I finally decided? I've been advised to write. Write about my feelings. Write about my fears. Write about the positives in my life. Write about this emotional roller coaster I am riding and don't see the end in sight (yet!). I can't promise this blog will make sense to everyone. Heck, maybe I'm the only one it'll make sense to...and I need to be okay with that. I will be okay with that. My hope throughout this journey is that I will learn to embrace my emotions and work through them. I also hope that maybe, just maybe, I will shed some light for anyone interested in what it's like to be me. Ha! This will be interesting. Very! 

The topic of this blog? Psh, what is a good topic? How can I possibly narrow it down to just one??? Pregnancy loss? No, my life is about more than just that. Craftiness? Ha...yeah I could probably post only about crafts that I complete or desire to complete. But again, my life is more than just crafts. Navy wife life? Who wants to hear only about that!? There's so much more to life than one topic so I titled this blog Wandering Thoughts. After all, that's what I spend most of my idle time doing- thinking about anything and everything. So there you have it. A blog about my thoughts on anything and everything. 

Vicky, out. :)