Christmas Ornaments, Unabashed Tears

A few weeks ago, I mentioned to my husband wanting to put our Christmas tree up ASAP. I asked him to go through the ornaments prior to us decorating the tree due to an ornament we picked out last Christmas. The one depicting a pregnant momma with the daddy. The one showing we were expecting a little bundle of joy. The one we were so excited to share with everyone. The one that reminds us of our baby. The baby we lost just ten days into the new year. The baby we were expecting to join us on earth in July. The baby we didn't get to meet. The baby whose memory I tried to push aside for a long time. 

This baby will forever be a part of my heart. 

I have been trying to avoid these emotions that are arising. Trying to pretend they don't exist. Pretend we haven't endured so much loss in just 12 short months. 

That's just it, we have endured the loss. Not succumbed. Endured. Continued in this existence. We have become stronger in this adventure. Therefore, I have decided to hang this ornament. A friend, very near and dear to my heart, sent me the other ornament. This ornament means so much to me. It recognizes that I am a mother. No, I never held my babies. It doesn't change the fact that I had 3 precious little ones inside that stole a piece of my heart when they left this earth to meet their Heavenly Father. I can't change the past. I can't worry about the many "why" questions. I can't go back in time. What I can do, is spend this holiday remembering the babies lost and remembering who holds them. That being said, I may lose it a few times. I may have a hard time with reality and in turn, there will be tears. Unabashed, just allow me to let them fall.  Please. And when I get embarrassed on my own accord...cause it's bound to happen...tell me it's okay to let them fall and it doesn't bother you. Haha. Yeah, someone crying out of the blue isn't uncomfortable at all, is it? 

Merry early Christmas. Love the ones you're with. 

Vicky, out.