Grief

A friend sent this picture to me yesterday. I love how God sends friends or little signs at the perfect time. When this friend sent me this picture, I was in the middle of sharing a synopsis of my last year with the miscarriages. I had just "lost it" yet again and wasn't sure I was going to get it back together. Some call it coincidence...I call it God. 

I have been getting so down and frustrated lately because I'm not "over it" by now. **no judgment needed, thanks** I cry for no apparent reason and without warning. The crying isn't just a tear though. It's usually uncontrollable sobbing. I just love being a woman with hormones...ha. Not. Well, I do love being a woman- but the hormones are annoying sometimes. My poor husband, family, and friends are confused often. Heck! I'm confused often. I can't stop just because someone says to. I can't prevent these things; we'll call them episodes. People don't understand...here's a big shocker for you...I don't understand. But I'm not meant to understand. I've stopped asking why (for the most part. I still have moments of weakness where I can't help it) and started asking what. What can I do with this trial we've been through. What can I do to help others? What can I learn from this experience? 

Yesterday was a why day. So when my friend sent this picture, it was a huge reminder that there is no timeline on grief. I must stop setting expectations for my grief. I must stop setting expectations for my feelings. I must ride this roller coaster even though I hate them. 

Friends, thank you for being there even though you don't understand. I don't necessarily need the perfect advice. Only one can give that. So if you find yourself around someone who is grieving, no matter what type of grief, just give them a hug or high five or I'm thinking about you or sometimes silence is okay too. It may be boring for you, but for us it'll mean the world. 

Thanksgiving...that'll be another post. ;-)

Vicky, out ;-)