One year ago, I sat at home with my mister. Numb. Trying to come to terms with what we had found out just 3 days prior. Trying to tell myself that the doctors knew what they were talking about but praying with every ounce of my being, that they were wrong-just this once. I would forgive them for being wrong. It would be okay if they were wrong just once.
One year ago, I spent my last day "holding" our second little angel inside and praying that when we went to the hospital the next day we wouldn't have to go through this pain. Physical pain. Emotional pain.
Traumatizing.
One year ago, I lay praying that I'd wake up from this terrible, terrible dream.
We had made it to our 16 week appointment without any complications. No cramping. No bleeding. No signs. We had made it to the "safe zone" according to the first pregnancy's doctors. We were overjoyed. We couldn't wait to hold that little munchkin. Love that sweet little face. We went to our 16 week appointment ECSTATIC! Only to find out that we were not safe. We had not made it to the coveted safe zone. Our precious little munchkin had stopped growing...its heart no longer beating inside. We had to say goodbye before we had the chance to say hello.
It's still hard. It still hurts. It still makes me double over in pain from heartache.
But, I've made it. And if I can make it a year, I can make it two and then five and so on. Thank God I have a wonderful husband here to help me on days when I lose it, days when I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, days when I just can't. Thank God I have a husband that doesn't judge me in my weak moments.
Thank God for friends and family that support me in ways some may never know just how much they've helped- just by a simple "I'm thinking of you" even after a year. Thank God for family and friends that acknowledge the pain my family has felt and helps share that burden by lending an ear or shoulder.
Dang, it's so good to have people that truly care. I could never repay those people. I just have to say, thank you. Thank you from all the nooks and crannies of my (still mending) heart.
I thought I'd made it to the "safe" zone. But honestly, there's no safe zone in pregnancy. It's just a long 9 months of trusting the Lord of what you're not in control of. Stinks. :) So glad you now have a new life growing inside now. I will continue to pray for you as you continue to mourn your babies in heaven yet rejoice at the new gift you have been given. Love you!!!!!
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