I have been so busy with teaching and the end of the quarter quickly approaching and the weekends are spent trying to catch up on housework (it never happens) and trying to spend real, quality time with my mister and our two pugs. And that was a terrible run-on. Meh, win some-lose some.
So, we've been given the "go ahead" by our doctor to start trying again for a successful pregnancy. Lemme just say, it's terrifying this time. **its not always easy for me to address these issues individually so if you're sitting there thinking "why doesn't she tell me this stuff??!!" It isn't exactly a topic that is easily brought up.** okay, back to my story. It is terrifying. Last pregnancy, I thought (and told myself) we've already been through 2 miscarriages, with no apparent medical reason, surely it won't happen again. Surely. I tried for a while telling myself we weren't actually pregnant. Then I told myself we'd already been through two losses no way we'd go through a third. Boy was I wrong. Wrong as wrong could be.
So, thinking we've been through 3 losses and wondering what will happen if/when there is a fourth pregnancy is terrifying. Am I excited about trying again to *hopefully* having our first child? Somewhere deep down inside, yes. I go from "woohoo this is going to be an amazing year and we will *hopefully* have a baby" to "holy cow I'm not ready for this roller coaster of what ifs" to "man I'm so glad I have a supportive husband and family/friends to help me through my crazy times".
So to my friends, family, and coworkers that may be reading this...when you see me stressed out, just know "it'll be okay" because eventually it will! Maybe ask if I need a timeout to breathe haha. But seriously, we'd appreciate your thoughts and prayers as we face a new year with (one day) a successful pregnancy.
(No. We are not pregnant. So stop wondering. Haha.)
Vicky, out :-)
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