Dementia..............

.............you SUCK! A big, fat, nasty, fungus infested toe. 

I found this picture online and thought, man! how true is #4!!?? Then I thought, oh man, #5. Oh man. How hard it is to accept that your loved one cannot always respond in a way that is comprehensible. It is one of the toughest pills I've had to swallow. 

Some say I have had it easy so far. I don't live in town and I only see snippets. Maybe that's true. Maybe I can handle it all because I don't see it every day. Maybe I can handle it all because I'm good at talking with her. Tonight? Different story altogether. 

Tonight, I couldn't handle it all because I know life is precious and fragile. 

Tonight, unavoidable meltdown. 

Tonight, my cart has gone off course and I'm plummeting off the roller coaster. 

Tonight, I'm snuggled up with my two pups- all of us wishing the mister was home too. 

Tonight, I'm watching We Bought a Zoo and bawling my eyes out!!

Tonight, I'm laying here wishing we lived closer to family. 

Tonight, I want my family and friends to know how much I love them. I know they are the glue that helps me stay together. 

Just keep talking. 

Vicky, out. 

January Madness

Where the heck has January gone?! I know it's only the 21st... but it's already the 21st!! 

I have been so busy with teaching and the end of the quarter quickly approaching and the weekends are spent trying to catch up on housework (it never happens) and trying to spend real, quality time with my mister and our two pugs. And that was a terrible run-on. Meh, win some-lose some. 

So, we've been given the "go ahead" by our doctor to start trying again for a successful pregnancy. Lemme just say, it's terrifying this time. **its not always easy for me to address these issues individually so if you're sitting there thinking "why doesn't she tell me this stuff??!!" It isn't exactly a topic that is easily brought up.** okay, back to my story. It is terrifying. Last pregnancy, I thought (and told myself) we've already been through 2 miscarriages, with no apparent medical reason, surely it won't happen again. Surely. I tried for a while telling myself we weren't actually pregnant. Then I told myself we'd already been through two losses no way we'd go through a third. Boy was I wrong. Wrong as wrong could be. 

So, thinking we've been through 3 losses and wondering what will happen if/when there is a fourth pregnancy is terrifying. Am I excited about trying again to *hopefully* having our first child? Somewhere deep down inside, yes. I go from "woohoo this is going to be an amazing year and we will *hopefully* have a baby" to "holy cow I'm not ready for this roller coaster of what ifs" to "man I'm so glad I have a supportive husband and family/friends to help me through my crazy times". 

So to my friends, family, and coworkers that may be reading this...when you see me stressed out, just know "it'll be okay" because eventually it will! Maybe ask if I need a timeout to breathe haha. But seriously, we'd appreciate your thoughts and prayers as we face a new year with (one day) a successful pregnancy. 

(No. We are not pregnant. So stop wondering. Haha.)

Vicky, out :-)

Out with the old...

Yep. Cliché much? 

Meh, time for a new year. 2013 was an interesting year that included many ups and downs of life. We experienced much loss but also much gain. I'm excited and anxious to see what 2014 has in store for our family and friends! I know it will be a great year!! 

Although 2013 included much loss, it was still a great year. We spent time with family and friends which is one of my favorite things to do! By far! I am looking forward to many more days/nights spent with family and friends this year. I am looking forward to how my relationship with my husband will grow! I am looking forward to seeing how far my "kiddos" have come this school year! I am looking forward to not making New Year's Resolutions that only last a week or two, month at most. I'm looking forward to setting and accomplishing many goals! 

May your new year be filled with much joy and happiness, and a little sadness too. Debbie downer? No!! Just enough sadness to remember the smallest of joys in your life! There are SO many!! When you start to feel down, make a list of all the GOOD in your life! There is much to be thankful for, even in the downest of days :)

Happy New Year, friends! Love and blessings!!

And, just for giggles- 7 years ago, it took my husband (then we were just friends) 16 hours for a "New Years kiss"...It makes me giggle every time I think about it!! This year (due to work and sleep) I received my "New Years kiss" 16 hours later... Yep, makes me giggle.