Timehop got me today. Got me good.
Two years ago, we had a healthy baby growing (pregnancy number 2) inside. We were excited to have the chance to add a little human to our family of four. Elsie and Richard would snuggle up to me from the day we found out. We would then go on to lose another pregnancy before we got pregnant with Abs but it wasn't without many, many tears.
Breastfeeding got me too. We haven't been exclusively breast milk (nursing and pumping) but she has gotten all the breast milk I can make. Well, it just isn't going well right now. Stress from work and stress of life have gotten in the way. I have gone through my freezer stash (a whole 25 ounces) since going back to work. She eats more than I can pump. And today, I have 8.5 ounces saved up for tomorrow with the sitter. Not enough. She eats at least 12 ounces while away. I was so excited because we made it over a month of only BM while I was back at work. Pity party commencing.
I don't need comments of how many survive and thrive on formula. I know they do.
I don't need comments of how I should be happy I made it this far. I know I should.
I don't need comments of how stress isn't going to help. I know it doesn't.
What I need, is to not feel like a failure. Because I do.
What I need, is to know that it's okay because she is healthy and that's what matters. Because I feel like a failure.
This breastfeeding thing is hard work. She's had 4 months (almost) of all the milk I could make. That's an accomplishment, right?
Big ball of emotions today. Time to snuggle with my big ball of sass (Abs) and attempt to finish some school work.
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